I need to change for my boys, so they will be proud of there Dad
I need to change for my sanity
I need to change for my health otherwise I have a terrible old age
I need to change to get a career again
I need to change otherwise my life will be duller than it is now
my weight because I eat crap food and don’t exercise enough
I over eat when I go eat proper food.
My debt which I borrowed money which I should have to make me to appear more successful than I was
My career which I have just let slip through my fingers
Feeling sorry for myself
Buying crap and not sticking to postcards
Not being vegan
Not learning everyday
Not mediating everyday
Eating crap food
Feeling sorry for myself
Working with miserable people
Laying in bed
Reading late into the night
To live as long as possible
To have a comfortable and safe retirement
To be very fit
To be a vegan
To Drive a 911
To Drive a Range Rover
To pay for my sons college
To have a 1 million pound pension pot
To learn constantly
To be well respected
To be a minimalist
To help my Dad
To be on top of IT
Never to borrow money
To get over my fear of flying
To learn calligraphy
To improve my grammar
To be a successful investor
To be a roll model to my children
To write a book.
To always drive a clean car
To always look smart
To learn to play the piano
To have the latest technology in my house
To have Bang and Olusfen items
Areas of pain in my life and why I have created them
I am in debt, as far as I can remember I’ve always been in debt despite always earning good money, I’ve always spent more than I have earn yet have nothing to show for it, I am now trapped in debt but will be debt free within a year. Why have I always been in debt, I have always wanted to be seen as successful hence spending to much. I am going to work out a debt plan and make sure I pay it all back,
Currently my debt is
Inland Revenue 22000
I have let my career by being lazy and only doing what was needed to get by, I so lazy I need a career which is challenging and well paid.
Marriage / My boys
I let my marriage go, because I let my marriage go, due to laziness and thinking I was better than I was. I was always looking for somebody better than Lisa when I was a lazyfat sod myself. My boys are now 180 miles away from me and I don’t see them often enough as I don’t earn enough money. This will now change as I going to turn my career around and start making some proper money.
As I sit and type this I chewing on a Rennie indigestion tablet as I have a sore stomach from eating mince pies, I have eaten 10 of these in the last 24 hours, why, they are shit and just make me feel fat and bloated. My body is really beginning to suffer from my constant eating and I spend no end on crap food that makes me feel depressed and unhappy.
Once again I have been slack in my updates, this is the story of my life, too little and not often enough, things have to change
I have had a cold since my last update and I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself in the last week, my debt is getting out of control and my eBay sales have been poor. Anyway today I head back to work to the job I hate and within two hours I had put my back out, I wasn’t even lifting anything at the time just kneeling on the floor sorting some cd’s out.
Anyway I went home at 10:30 and have spent most of the day sleeping and watching YouTube videos. I have leant the benefits of cold showers and will be taking one later.
My weight is ballooning and I am now back at 14 stone, this is my own fault and probably has caused my back problem.
I spent the weekend with my boys who I have to drive down and pickup and then bring back home, I spent the best part of 14 hours in the car this weekend, this is not good, its costing me a small fortune in petrol not to mention the amount of mileage I am putting on my car.
Tomorrow is my sons 9th birthday and I am not going to be there to celebrate it with him, today is an all-time low. I should have the money in my account so I can drive down tonight and surprise him tomorrow. I currently have £40 to my name.
I will change because I have too, for my sanity and for the sake of my boys.
I am going to start doing things right
Yesterday was a very hard day for me, I am coming down with a cold and I literally have no money, my eBay sales were shocking despite listing actively on one of my accounts. I used to earn 80k a year and I’m really struggling with the fact I earn so little today, what makes it worse is I could still be earning this if I hadn’t fucked up so badly over the last 10 years. I miss my boys terribly and have spoken to them since Thursday despite me trying to.
So today I dragged myself out of bed and went and fetched a coffee from Starbucks, this is my daily vice as I’m face becoming addicted to coffee, I have decided rather than have coffee at home I will rescript my self to two coffees a day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon.
So today has started off well, I have sold £16 worth of items and have started reducing the amount of list I have down from 4000 to 3000, most of the listings I’ve pulled are low value items which I don’t thing will sell, this will be sent by to the auction house I work for to go in the next sale.
I am going to spend the next week, have a huge sort out of my listings and also listing the remaining items I have. For the 1st time ever I will be on top of my listings. EBay is not something I want to do for a living but as a second income it is brilliant, and if I can get to a point were I’m making £500 a month part time on it, half can go into pension funds and the other half to holidays, unfortunately I’m a long way of from that yet.
This biggest problem I have at the moment is I have no direction, my long term plan is to trade for a living, but this requires a lot of hard work and focus which I have not been putting over the last few years, I am going to try and put a plan together today to push myself forward. I keep to push forward else life is basically over.
I am going to spend most of today listening to The One Thing, by Gary Keller on Audible,